all things me

One of our (sub)vendors at work has an email template that they all seem to use. It ends with “Please confirm the receipt if this.” Just imagine what would happen if they used it in internal correspondence.

Is this what writing a master’s thesis feels like? Endless revisions; choosing a word, no, choosing a better one (and most likely going back to the first one); trying to think of a catchy start; trying to think of witty headers; just trying to think of how to end this thing…!

I think I now only have two chapters to extend and reference links to check. Then I’m done. Ha.

Disclaimer: This post does not reflect my “journalistic” style. Not even close. And no, I haven’t seen Trainspotting in a while.

After having been a project manager for a week now I’ve started to get annoyed by the technical people. I’m willing to work without a lunch break (let alone coffee or cigarette breaks (I do drink coffee, but I don’t smoke)) to get something urgent done — I did that on Friday — and in my naïvete I expect everyone else to do the same. I was furious when the person who was supposed to be working on an urgent project (deadline on Monday) was nowhere to be seen. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to do something snap, right there and then. I realise the work isn’t progressing, so I’ll probably have to do it myself on Monday. I can’t really tell the client that I couldn’t keep the deadline because the others weren’t doing their jobs, can I?

I know I’m horrible. I’m sure the others have lots and lots of more work to do than I — even if they have time to frolic and complain that they’re bored. On Friday I was panicking about the deadline and they laughed that I’ll probably throw something heavy at them. I couldn’t, I was too tired.

I’ll be very glad when this 2-week multiple personality disorder is over. I don’t mind doing the technical stuff and I don’t mind doing the project manager stuff (it’s been, despite everything I’ve just said, very interesting and refreshingly challenging). But I can’t do them both, full-time, simultaneously.

Despot — a person exercising power tyrannically

Picture of Mitler from South Park Create A Character

There’s a guy at work who seems to take nothing seriously. It’s usually fun, he jokes a lot and he’s funny. Today we (a couple of people) were talking about my studies and I told I had promised Grandma I’d have my bachelor’s degree by next December when we meet up again (of course we meet before that, but we have a special Xmas meet-up in December). This “joker” said ‘blaaaah, your grandma’s going to be dead by that time’.

I get the little teasing and I don’t mind it, but that was just plain rude.

Darn, I got a WordPress.com invite back in September but as I was about to redeem it now, I found out it expired in seven days. Back then I didn’t think I’d need an extra blog (where I can’t be as big a control freak as here) especially as I’m having hard time keeping this updated. I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I entered my email. Now I was going to do a little research for my article on WordPress… but it said “whoops, sorry, invite expired.”

Oh well, perhaps I should retry my invitation lottery luck but I’m sure now I’m trampled on by flocks.

I hope the article offer hasn’t expired even though I have been a terrible employee (I don’t care if I’m freelance/volunteer, terrible employee is a terrible employee). I’m just glad I’m writing again, because I’ve been such a procrastinator. It’s scary to write publicly about something you know you don’t know enough about (enough = everything). Am I being too tough on myself?

Today I read the strangest definition for ‘blog’: a website, which is regularly updated. Which means this — currently — isn’t a blog.

I clicked on to Weblog Usability: The Top Ten Design Mistakes from Blogging Pro. An interesting read but I’ve raged about item 2 in the past: using a photo. I understand that people want to see faces, but who wants to see my mug? I don’t! How shocking would it be if I posted my photo and you’d see that I’m actually male?

I am, however, going to implement some of the enhancement ideas. When I was designing this site, I didn’t find a good colour for visited links (I did notice that some of the links, in blog content, lose underlining after a visit) so I forgot about it (accidentally!). Also I’m going to try and list some of the “must-read” entries but I’m afraid I might not find any (This is a blog for dog’s sake! Not a magazine. Why do people take blogs so seriously? It’s supposed to be fun, not 2nd or nth job (for most)). I did have a category for these, something like Minna’s picks, but apparently I removed it at some point (or it doesn’t have any posts!).
(There’s a list in the archives now.)

Jafer woke me up from my work-daze. In addition to not having written in over half a month (I honestly don’t know how that’s possible), I haven’t finished a book since July! (I’ll need to check my papery booklog, but the one here says July.)

I had hard time not laughing today. A group of people were talking and roaring with laughter (at work, of course) and I was sitting at my desk. Because I wasn’t in the group I couldn’t laugh along but I kept bursting so I had to leave for a while to cool off. I went and washed my coffee mug. Interesting, innit?

There are days when you’d really need a CD player at work… (it’s allowed)

Yeah, I’m stressed out on the 2nd day.

No, not really. Just blabbering about work because I’m really really tired (I worked till 5:30 — don’t worry, I didn’t do overtime). Part II of bad habits: I can’t take breaks.

I didn’t eat at work today or yesterday; yesterday I was too nervous to be hungry, today I didn’t have anything to prepare and people/person I could’ve gone to lunch with ate in — I’m also nearly incapable of going to lunch alone. Also, I often work non-stop, because I don’t have the excuse of smoking to take a break and if I do take a break (in front of the computer for instance, maybe to check mail) I’m afraid people will think I’m not doing my job (not that there is much work now that I’ve just started). I did get a cup of coffee and ate a banana today. Hurray.

At the Uni project I sometimes went to eat alone when I was really really really hungry, so maybe I’ll learn to do that when I’m more used to working at this new place. Maybe I even dare use my Cookie Benefit (cookies and coffee + condiments are on the house) one day.

I have a bad habit of not looking in the eye all the time when talking to people. I don’t know why, but it’s difficult (perhaps because I don’t like someone looking at me in the eye all the time). In the job interview I was in a weird zone or trance and I didn’t 1) freak out, 2) blush, 3) have my heart pounding out of my chest, 4) avoid eye contact. Having met quite a few people today (first day at new job) and I remember there are some stare-avoiders at the department, too, I’ve noticed how annoying that really is.

Also, shaking a limp hand is very freaky — it’s like it would break if I squeezed at all. I managed to get a sound out of one hand today (a man’s, mind you — the Limpy one was a skinny woman) Anyway, everyone was really nice and I did notice some of that friendly teasing I was warned about (not directed at me, yet).

You can probably see I haven’t shaken so many hands in my life. A fair amount but not enough to call it a regular thing.

Now I’m pondering whether I can call people by their first name… Maybe I’ll think of sneaky ways around the problem. After all, I just studied veeery boooring stuff on forms of address for an exam.

How will I not drop dead?

I agreed to start in the new job — if they’ll have me — right after next week. This week is for the project, next week I have an exam, and then BAM. New job. New hectic job.

Uhhh.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they were interested in getting me aboard. They were impressed by my choice of subjects at the Uni (I’m glad someone is…), and career opportunities after graduation were mentioned. I’m sure they were just keeping their jaws limber, but it sounded pretty good (and scary).

How to deal with the nonexistent time away from all sorts of responsibilities (maybe I take responsibilities too seriously) and never-ending early mornings (*cough cough*)? Just “stop whining” and lots of coffee? I hope it’ll go smoothly; I probably won’t even notice the lack of vacation. It just would be so nice to do nothing scheduled for a while.

If they’ll have me, that is.

[edit: Aug 3rd] They’ll have me. [/edit]